Happy New Year

I’m a bit behind with my blogging, but what can you do when you are not at home for a while and then illness strikes, eh? New wear arrived for me and my boyfriend at home. We had a dinner of roast duck and garlic mashed potatoes and then poked our noses outside for a few minutes near midnight so we could catch some fireworks.

I took some shaky video footage of the fireworks. I kind of like how occasionally my camera’s focus went all blurry, resulting in pretty light effects.

2016 was an awful year for me. Good and wonderful things did happen a plenty, but I feel they were all tainted by what a big mess I was. I couldn’t enjoy anything properly and even feeling happy about something often ended up with a panic attack afterwards. Things got really bad in the second half of the year and I was barely functioning at all, having more bad days than good ones in a week.

However, I’ve gotten help and I can already feel the difference, so I am hopeful about 2017. I haven’t had a panic attack for almost a month now and it feels amazing. It has been incredible to feel emotions, and that includes negative emotions, without having to deal with the resulting panic attacks. For instance, the first time I got angry after starting my medication, I was stunned that I felt anger and then it passed and… no chaos followed. That was it. I felt an emotion and then it was over. This may sound stupid to many of you, but to me this was a miracle. I got angry and I didn’t have to work myself out of a bout of angry self-pitying depression for the next two to three days, because this is what happened to me every time before.

The aid keeping the panic attacks at bay is not the cure nor the final solution of course, it has not fixed my mind; it just helps me keep my emotions from overloading. I still have a lot of work to do with myself this year so I could start functioning normally again.

As for new year’s resolutions, I thought it would be pointless to promise things like: I will lose weight and will graduate from Uni etc. I’ve made so many resolutions like that and all that has happened is that I stress pointlessly about them and then they fail.

Instead I came up with the following practical resolutions:

  • I want to try and produce less garbage in my life this year. I want to try and buy less packaged things and to recycle more. I don’t want to be constantly upset about the number of garbage bags I take outside to the collection container.
  • I want to learn how to bake my own bread and how to make kimchi.

I think that sounds good enough for 2017.

Also, fun fact about the last day of 2016: I won the lottery- 17 €! xD I didn’t win anything for the entire year and on the last day I got the biggest lottery win I have ever gotten so far :p

So, tell me, how did you spend the last day of 2016? How was 2016 for you and did you make any resolutions for 2017?

Have a great year, everyone!

Snot… 28-29. Dec 2016


 Two sandwiches made with kefir bread, butter and sausage; also finished off some oat bran porridge from yesterday.

 Buckwheat with cream sauce, fried blood sausages, some pickled cucumber and salad with cottage cheese.

29. December

 Coffee and kefir bread with chocolate spread

 Mixed grains with cream sauce, blood sausage, some pickled cucumber and salad with cottage cheese

 Mixed grains with cream sauce, baked blood sausages and some pickled cucumber

Did nothing for the past two days, because we were both ill with my boyfriend. So much suck.